A Tongue-Firmly-in-Cheek (or not) statement from The Food Channel‘s Andy Ford.
My wife has prepared the family for the impending storm in our area. She has purchased the prerequisite sustenance that should, several days from now, allow us to emerge from our igloo healthy and alive.
I saw what she had last night as I was making my own preparations (which translates into: getting out the kerosene heater, prepping firewood, and filling the 10 gallon water container) She had purchased bottled water, lots of cans of soup, the makings for PB&J’s, meat, and fruit.
While I am eternally grateful for her thoughtfulness and diligence in prepping for our family, I gotta be honest. I’m going to be bored to death with soup and PB&J’s in two days MAX.
I subsequently dug out this morning and went to the store. As any decent, self-respecting man would do, I made my own food preparations for the wintry wonder-stuck. Without further ado, here’s MY Top Five:
1: Beer – A snow storm without some imbibement? Impossible! I saw a college kid on his way out of the store this morning with two cases of brew and a couple of cans of cheese whiz and some chips. While this won’t make for a long-term healthy alternative to REAL food, nothing beats eight ounces of liquid refreshment (Whiz or beer, take your pick).
2. Nachos – Nothing gets my creative juices flowing in the kitchen like some homemade nachos. Corn chips, salsa, grated cheese (three kinds), chili, jalapenos, and some sour cream on the side. I make giant platter and let the kids put their own toppings on. Of course, if they don’t put a little heat on it, I ridicule their efforts until they cave and drop some japs on there. I bake it off in the oven and serve to the delight of everyone. Trust me, you cannot screw this one up!
3. Popcorn – You are going to be stuck inside switching between sports, The Shawshank Redemption on TBS, and the weather guy scaring the crap out of us. One thing is for sure, you will definitely need some popcorn. You can get all fancy and pop your own or you can just put your sweatpants back on and throw a bag in the microwave.
4. Cereal – You’ve been couped up inside all day snacking on popcorn, nachos, and beer. So by the time dinner rolls around all you want to do is go back to bed and pray that school will be open soon, you can escape the cave, and get back into an office. At this point, cereal is bowl of sanity. Nothing says fresh start like a bowl of Lucky Charms. Make that two bowls, and now you’re thinking that tomorrow you just might get out there and shovel the walk or thaw out the dog.
5. Marshmallows – For dessert, get the coat hangers, straighten a couple out, and burn some marshmallows to a nice asphalt color over the open flame of your fireplace. You can s’more it up if you wanna get all foodie on us, or you can just eat it as is. Are you too good for marshmallows? Note: If you have no fire (are you a man?) use the marshmallows as projectiles and try hitting each others’ mouths from across the room.
That’s it. A complete list of ALL a man needs to survive the potential end of the world. And remember, if you get real desperate and the power goes out, bringing the grill inside the house . . . not a good idea.
You’re not that hungry.